Yes, the Chipmunks are always nauseating, but there’s plenty more hellish Christmas music.
It’s the acting that’s hellish, not the Ramones.
The new holiday classic!
Woof.
Ribbit.
Shake those Christmas disco balls!
The ultimate hodgepodge: jarring yet compelling.
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
I'll Be Home...and Stoned...for Christmas
Mississippi musician Dent May has come up with a refreshingly original take on the holiday song: "I'll Be Stoned for Christmas."
Belying its revolutionary title, the song is a dreamy, '80s-tinged
pop-classic-in-the-making. It perfectly captures the experience of
returning home for the holidays.
So long, Mariah! Hasta la vista, Chipmunks!
"'Tis the season to be high." And now, thanks to Dent, I'm high on music.
So long, Mariah! Hasta la vista, Chipmunks!
"'Tis the season to be high." And now, thanks to Dent, I'm high on music.
I’m Still Here: A Follies Homage
I recently saw Follies on Broadway. "I'm Still Here" captured a certain era so perfectly, and I thought it would be fun to update. I idolize Sondheim (not to mention Stritch, Paige, Burnett and the others who have done the song proud), so this is done out of respect and love.
Hear the original, by Stephen Sondheim, sung by Elaine Stritch, here.
Good times and crap times,
They’re all on my blog, so it’s clear
I'm still here.
Chanel bought at retail,
Sometimes a Target souvenir
But I'm here.
I've shopped at Goodwill
For used pants
Offered phone sex
To buy implants
Watched TMZ kill my career
But I'm here.
I've slept in shelters,
Funded by donors I knew
But I'm here.
Danced on the pole –
My thong only slightly askew
But I'm here.
I've taken handouts
With celebrities’ kids,
They were ironic,
Me, on the skids
In the Recession was I recessed?
Nowhere near.
Banged a Facebook engineer
So I'm here.
I've been through the recount,
Monica’s blue dress post-grope
And I'm here.
Tea party crazies,
The demise of Change and Hope
But I'm here.
I got through Full House,
SNL’s decline,
File-sharing, emoticons
Kim Kardashian’s behind
Witnessed NASA fade
Pluto degrade
The lost frontier
Lived through two rounds of O.J.
And I'm here.
I've gotten through Bushes 41, 43
The best part was when those years ebbed
Jeez, what a dynasty – not!
On your knees, vow “No Jeb!”
Made a guest appearance
on “Reno 911,” then “The Hills”
And I’m here
Not always coherent
But it paid for my cannabis refills
And I’m here
Been called elitist
By bitter have-nots
Got through it while pissed
On my yachts
I should sign up as a Housewife,
That seems clear.
Still, I made it through crises dubbed midlife
So I’m here
Louboutin one day,
Next day it’s in Decades Two
But I’m here
Top billing Monday
Tuesday Gawker asks “Who?”
But I’m here
Through my own show
I once strode,
then a guest on Law and Order,
then a webisode
The posse still lingers but shrinks
Every year
I’m writing an e-book – it’s “content”!
And I’m here.
I live with tourists snapping cell phone photos
Then asking who I once was
And sometimes, “You remind me of someone
Didn’t she used to have buzz?”
Good times and crap times,
They’re all on my blog, so it’s clear
I'm still here.
Chanel bought at retail,
Sometimes a Target souvenir
But I'm here.
I’ve had a blast
And seen it all
Auctioned my past
Held them in my thrall
The internet said I’d died last year
But I’m here.
Hell, I was there
And I’m here
Yeah, it’s me!
I’m still here!
© 2011 by Laura Foti Cohen
They’re all on my blog, so it’s clear
I'm still here.
Chanel bought at retail,
Sometimes a Target souvenir
But I'm here.
I've shopped at Goodwill
For used pants
Offered phone sex
To buy implants
Watched TMZ kill my career
But I'm here.
I've slept in shelters,
Funded by donors I knew
But I'm here.
Danced on the pole –
My thong only slightly askew
But I'm here.
I've taken handouts
With celebrities’ kids,
They were ironic,
Me, on the skids
In the Recession was I recessed?
Nowhere near.
Banged a Facebook engineer
So I'm here.
I've been through the recount,
Monica’s blue dress post-grope
And I'm here.
Tea party crazies,
The demise of Change and Hope
But I'm here.
I got through Full House,
SNL’s decline,
File-sharing, emoticons
Kim Kardashian’s behind
Witnessed NASA fade
Pluto degrade
The lost frontier
Lived through two rounds of O.J.
And I'm here.
I've gotten through Bushes 41, 43
The best part was when those years ebbed
Jeez, what a dynasty – not!
On your knees, vow “No Jeb!”
Made a guest appearance
on “Reno 911,” then “The Hills”
And I’m here
Not always coherent
But it paid for my cannabis refills
And I’m here
Been called elitist
By bitter have-nots
Got through it while pissed
On my yachts
I should sign up as a Housewife,
That seems clear.
Still, I made it through crises dubbed midlife
So I’m here
Louboutin one day,
Next day it’s in Decades Two
But I’m here
Top billing Monday
Tuesday Gawker asks “Who?”
But I’m here
Through my own show
I once strode,
then a guest on Law and Order,
then a webisode
The posse still lingers but shrinks
Every year
I’m writing an e-book – it’s “content”!
And I’m here.
I live with tourists snapping cell phone photos
Then asking who I once was
And sometimes, “You remind me of someone
Didn’t she used to have buzz?”
Good times and crap times,
They’re all on my blog, so it’s clear
I'm still here.
Chanel bought at retail,
Sometimes a Target souvenir
But I'm here.
I’ve had a blast
And seen it all
Auctioned my past
Held them in my thrall
The internet said I’d died last year
But I’m here.
Hell, I was there
And I’m here
Yeah, it’s me!
I’m still here!
© 2011 by Laura Foti Cohen
A Very Musical Thanksgiving (Videos)
Turkey Survival Anthem
Doing It Sandler-Style
Gobble, Gobble
The Poultry Rapper
Thanksgiving Snapshots 2010 (Videos)
Adam Sandler Took the Year Off
...but this guy's got the latest news.
Never Should Have Let the Doberman Watch Sweeney Todd
Electric knives are pretty scary.
I Want My 3:08 Back
The concept of a "tradition" has lost all meaning.
...but this guy's got the latest news.
Never Should Have Let the Doberman Watch Sweeney Todd
Electric knives are pretty scary.
I Want My 3:08 Back
The concept of a "tradition" has lost all meaning.
Soundtrack to a (non) Hellish Valentine's Day
The great thing about storing music on a computer is the ability to spit out mix tapes (OK, CDs) quickly and efficiently. So in the interest of making a Valentine's Day spent alone a little less hellish, how about burning a disc with some of the best post-relationship songs?
Of course I'm not talking about sentimental mush, or even get-out-before-I-throw-you-out classics like "I Will Survive." I wouldn't necessarily go vindictive, with songs like "It's on the Rocks" by the Donnas, which notes, "We're over, I'm done / Yeah, it's time to have some real fun / So I'm callin' all my ladies / We're gonna key your Mercedes" or Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats," in which she "took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires...Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats."
My theme: Alone and Loving It. Here are some recommendations for a soundtrack to a day basking in that "Over It!" feeling. I'm sure you'll excuse the fact that they're by women, about the men they're happy no longer to have in their lives. Men, feel free to find your own.
"Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson
"Ex-Girlfriend" by No Doubt
"Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On)" by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
"The Thrill Is Gone" (From Yesterday's Kiss) by Aretha Franklin (the version by Tracy Chapman and B.B. King is also outstanding)
"Runnin' Out of Fools" by Aretha Franklin
"I Can't Help You Now" and "I Will Not Be Broken" by Bonnie Raitt
"You Call Everybody Darling" by K.T. Oslin
"Mein Herr (from Cabaret) by Natasha Richardson (Liza Minelli did it pretty well, too)
"What Did I Ever See in Him?" (from Bye Bye Birdie) by Chita Rivera and Susan Watson
"Already Gone" by Wilson Phillips
"Just Go Away" by Blondie
"Special" by Garbage
and my all-time favorite, "Better After All" by Jonatha Brooke.
Music has healing properties. Songs like these can get you moving, smiling and recovering from a bad breakup. Forget the wallowing. For that, my specialty was Jackson Browne's "Here Come Those Tears Again". Every time I hear it--which isn't often these days--I still expect to hear it skip where my old overplayed record did. But these days my motto is: Shake it off, shake your booty and get out there again. No more tears! (Enough is enough.).
What songs do it for you?
Of course I'm not talking about sentimental mush, or even get-out-before-I-throw-you-out classics like "I Will Survive." I wouldn't necessarily go vindictive, with songs like "It's on the Rocks" by the Donnas, which notes, "We're over, I'm done / Yeah, it's time to have some real fun / So I'm callin' all my ladies / We're gonna key your Mercedes" or Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats," in which she "took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires...Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats."
My theme: Alone and Loving It. Here are some recommendations for a soundtrack to a day basking in that "Over It!" feeling. I'm sure you'll excuse the fact that they're by women, about the men they're happy no longer to have in their lives. Men, feel free to find your own.
"Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson
"Ex-Girlfriend" by No Doubt
"Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On)" by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
"The Thrill Is Gone" (From Yesterday's Kiss) by Aretha Franklin (the version by Tracy Chapman and B.B. King is also outstanding)
"Runnin' Out of Fools" by Aretha Franklin
"I Can't Help You Now" and "I Will Not Be Broken" by Bonnie Raitt
"You Call Everybody Darling" by K.T. Oslin
"Mein Herr (from Cabaret) by Natasha Richardson (Liza Minelli did it pretty well, too)
"What Did I Ever See in Him?" (from Bye Bye Birdie) by Chita Rivera and Susan Watson
"Already Gone" by Wilson Phillips
"Just Go Away" by Blondie
"Special" by Garbage
and my all-time favorite, "Better After All" by Jonatha Brooke.
Music has healing properties. Songs like these can get you moving, smiling and recovering from a bad breakup. Forget the wallowing. For that, my specialty was Jackson Browne's "Here Come Those Tears Again". Every time I hear it--which isn't often these days--I still expect to hear it skip where my old overplayed record did. But these days my motto is: Shake it off, shake your booty and get out there again. No more tears! (Enough is enough.).
What songs do it for you?
Auld Lang Syne, the Hard Way
Happy New Year! Check out these various renditions of the holiday classic.
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