Cheesy Knock-Offs:

You say money's tight and you can't go all out this Halloween? Don't cheap out with a cheesy knock-off costume, like a red-and-white striped shirt sold in a package called "Where's the Stripey Dude?"

Way to rip off the Prince estate, Smiffys (if that's really your name...)

Check out other sad and desperate attempts to cash in off of the trademarks of others at Buzzfeed. Oh, and get some ripped fishnets and your mom's bathing suit and go as Dr. Frank-N-Furter.

The House from Hell

For nine years I lived in a freak house. I'm not talking about my family, necessarily, but about the house itself. I lived in one of the most upscale suburbs and school districts in the country--but our house was a falling-down rental at the end of a long, rutted driveway. It wasn't exactly The Glass Castle, more like Grey Gardens without the money.

My brother in our creepy driveway

Today that driveway is a smoothly paved road through a development of multimillion-dollar houses in Westchester County. But in my memory it lives on as a hellish byway of broken asphalt, ancient patch jobs and loose gravel that scared away parents and children, and ruined Halloween (and many an undercarriage).

Halloween Date From Hell

It just seems wrong to complain about a Hellish Halloween. After all, isn't that the whole point? Yes, there are parades and parties and dressing up. But the holiday's very nature is to be creepy. It's about scaring small children, TPing and egging, eating too much candy, getting separated from your hard-to-recognize friends...there are so many ways this gruesome holiday can go bad. Here's one you may not have thought of before.

One October in my twenties I was single and going through a dry spell. OK, large chunks of my twenties were dry, but that's another (hellish) story. I went out to dinner with a couple of girlfriends, and one of them brought her brother, Andrew. Andrew was, like me, a writer, but unlike me he actually had published several books.

Andrew and I hit it off. Sure, he was short, pudgy and bald, but at least he was funny. Ask my friend Peter--my main dating credo is "As long as he's funny." I believe the way he put it was, "Well, no one could accuse you of having a physical 'type.'" Frankly, Peter was always unable to differentiate between laughing with my dates and laughing at them. But I digress.

Stupid Last-Minute Costume Ideas (Videos)

The Flesh Mask...Shudder!

I'm not that kind of girl.

You Won't Win Any Awards But...

As Advertised

Is it the language barrier? Nah...These are truly stupid!

Halloween Is Going to the Dogs (Videos)

Peedy and the Halloween Candy Dish

It's not nice to talk back to the skull.

Work Harder on Your Dog's Costume!

Boxer Seeks Gun

At what point do these people recognize animal cruelty? Even the weiner dog is laughing at the poor pumpkin-garbed boxer.

Halloween's Black Friday Equivalent

The day after Thanksgiving - or more accurately, later that night - everyone piles into the hybrid SUV with the now-defunct election bumper sticker and heads to the mall for the Black Friday sales. For many people, post-holiday shopping is more important than the holiday itself. Turkey? Feh, not interested. They're too busy scrolling through the Black Friday ads and making a plan of attack for 5:00 a.m.

I am not one of these people. While I love a bargain, I do not love a bargain more than I hate being with other people. Seriously, I run a website called "Hellish Holidays" - do I sound like someone with unconditional love for her fellow man? Of course not. I am someone who prefers shopping online and going to the grocery store mid-morning. I live for the reverse commute (not that such a thing exists any more in Los Angeles) and sitting next to an empty seat on an airplane (something else that doesn't exist any more).

But there is one post-holiday sale I cannot resist, and it is the November 1 candy extravaganza. On Halloween, while my son parcels out Fun Size whatever-I-had-a-coupon-fors, I scan the ad circulars of the local chain drugstores and supermarkets. I prioritize and plan. And the morning of November 1, I set my alarm and go. If I found a line outside of CVS, I would wait in it. Because through that automatic door is candy. And not just any candy - half-price candy! The most delicious kind of candy you can buy!

There aren't many kinds of candy I don't like. Over the years I have even learned to love the Almond Joy bar, and I'm not crazy about coconut or almonds. It could be because the song from my youth ("Almond Joy's got nuts - Mounds don't") still rings in my head the way Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson never could.

Naturally I have my favorites - black licorice All-Sorts (no one ever gives that), Butterfingers, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. But really, I'll eat anything that's 100 calories a bite. I feel about candy the way Jerry Seinfeld did when he was a kid. Apparently he got over it. But I didn't.

Halloween Snark (Videos)

Leave it to Joe to take snark to its highest level. These costumes aren't just politically incorrect, they give bad taste a bad name.



"Halloween is not an excuse to be a slut" - WHAT?! Good thing no one told me this in my 20s.



 Is it snarky to call her out for her overplumped lips? This isn't Gawker, after all... 

Hellish Halloween House Halted

According to the Huffington Post, a "dazzling Halloween lights show" in Riverside, California has been shut down by the local Homeowners Assn.  Hard to blame those who live within 100 decibels...or 1,000 lumens...or however you want to measure the noise and light pollution. The 2,000 visitors can't have been fun to navigate  around either!

Reasons to Stay Single, Halloween Edition (Videos)

I'm going to let these speak for themselves.











I could go on and on...

A Very Political Halloween (Videos)

"Binders Full of Women"

Candy Redistribution

Sarah Palin Halloween Costume Options

Halloween for Morons (Videos)

Duh, what kind of bowl should I put my candy in?

Seriously, X-RAY your kids' candy? Check FRUIT?? (No one gives fruit!)? Eat it all at once? Hard to identify the dumbest part of this one.



I'm all for deviled eggs, but do these looks like eyeballs to you?

Dumb Things People Do on Halloween (Videos)

Build a Theme Bong



Don’t Play with Fire


Word to the wise: when some dude yells, “Do it again, man!” - DON'T.

Halloween Pet Costumes

New puppy training method: Dress them up as Princess Leia and Darth Vader and make them sit still while you shoot video of them.

Nutty Halloween Neighbors (Videos)

These houses make great videos, but not so great neighbors.

Perfect Theme Song

Welcome Home!

So This Is What Halloween Looks Like!

Extreme Costumes (Videos)

Sexy Halloween Costume Guide

What's the best Halloween costume for a woman to wear? Well, that depends. How sexy do you want to be? No, you're not thinking hot enough. How about asking this guy for some guidance?

Dick's Inappropriate Halloween Costume Shop

Don't you hate all those people who try to be edgy and offensive by wearing inappropriate costumes each Halloween? You know, that guy who went as Osama Bin Laden in 2001? Here's a costume shop for them!

Halloween Costume Surgery

A more permanent approach to the annual dilemma of what to wear for Halloween.

Halloween Costumes: 60s Vs. 80s

Two women with no ego problems debate the best era for Halloween costume development.

Halloween Costume Advice

A self-proclaimed Halloween expert relives some memories and offers unnecessary advice.

Politically Incorrect Halloween Costumes

French maid? Sexy nurse? Penis head? All cliche and politically incorrect, but not flat out creepy the way these 69 are. (Yes, I'm sure they chose that number with care!)

Halloween in L.A.

In Los Angeles you can celebrate Halloween all year round. There's the fabulous Hollywood Forever cemetery - home to both Johnny and Dee Dee Ramone, Rudolph Valentino, Fay Wray and "Alfalfa" from the Our Gang comedies - which is hosting Ozomatli on Dia de los Muertos! There are plenty of other spooky spots, too: Check out this custom-designed tour.

"It's Almost Not Quite Halloween"

It's the most wonderful time of the year: no holidays yet! Nice to know that I'm not alone in thinking Thanksgiving can be hellish. According to Christina Applegate on SNL, here are things to be happy about: "No decorations, no cards, no weird family tension. And not every single thing tastes like pumpkin." Sigh. It's bliss time!

Creepy Halloween Makeup (Videos)

Time for an extreme makeover!

Go Ahead, Expose Yourself!

Hellraiser Redux

Zzzziiippp!

Zombie on a Shoestring

Creepy Pumpkins (Videos)

The Life and Death of a Pumpkin

You'll never look at pumpkin carving the same way again.

Rotting Halloween Pumpkin

Time-lapse photography over the course of 14 days provides a close-up of a rotting pumpkin in the basement.

Why I Didn't Enter The Pumpkin Carving Contest

Beware of the dangers of Halloween pumpkin carving. Pumpkins can take on the personality of the face that you carve into them.

Psycho Dads on Halloween (Videos)

Daddy Monster in the Cornfield

Building those memories that will last forever.

Halloween Lights Display

These Halloween lights synched to music are located in Margate, FL, so factor that into your relocation plans. Every neighbor's nightmare. Dad, what were you thinking?

Candy Thief

Shameless Daddy tries to steal Halloween candy from his kids.

Freaky Daddy's Haunted House

Aren't you glad you don't live near this Halloween haunted house in Manassas, Virginia? Hundreds of visitors, nonstop screaming...where's my For Sale sign??