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Happy (Not Hellish) Sixth
Today is the sixth anniversary of Hellish Holidays. This begins our sixth season of accepting the reality that is Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day and more. We wish you holidays that are not the least bit hellish - but encourage you to embrace your memories of those that were.
Halloween's Black Friday Equivalent
The day after Thanksgiving - or more accurately, later that night - everyone piles into the hybrid SUV with the now-defunct election bumper sticker and heads to the mall for the Black Friday sales. For many people, post-holiday shopping is more important than the holiday itself. Turkey? Feh, not interested. They're too busy scrolling through the Black Friday ads and making a plan of attack for 5:00 a.m.
I am not one of these people. While I love a bargain, I do not love a bargain more than I hate being with other people. Seriously, I run a website called "Hellish Holidays" - do I sound like someone with unconditional love for her fellow man? Of course not. I am someone who prefers shopping online and going to the grocery store mid-morning. I live for the reverse commute (not that such a thing exists any more in Los Angeles) and sitting next to an empty seat on an airplane (something else that doesn't exist any more).
But there is one post-holiday sale I cannot resist, and it is the November 1 candy extravaganza. On Halloween, while my son parcels out Fun Size whatever-I-had-a-coupon-fors, I scan the ad circulars of the local chain drugstores and supermarkets. I prioritize and plan. And the morning of November 1, I set my alarm and go. If I found a line outside of CVS, I would wait in it. Because through that automatic door is candy. And not just any candy - half-price candy! The most delicious kind of candy you can buy!
I am not one of these people. While I love a bargain, I do not love a bargain more than I hate being with other people. Seriously, I run a website called "Hellish Holidays" - do I sound like someone with unconditional love for her fellow man? Of course not. I am someone who prefers shopping online and going to the grocery store mid-morning. I live for the reverse commute (not that such a thing exists any more in Los Angeles) and sitting next to an empty seat on an airplane (something else that doesn't exist any more).
But there is one post-holiday sale I cannot resist, and it is the November 1 candy extravaganza. On Halloween, while my son parcels out Fun Size whatever-I-had-a-coupon-fors, I scan the ad circulars of the local chain drugstores and supermarkets. I prioritize and plan. And the morning of November 1, I set my alarm and go. If I found a line outside of CVS, I would wait in it. Because through that automatic door is candy. And not just any candy - half-price candy! The most delicious kind of candy you can buy!
There aren't many kinds of candy I don't like. Over the years I have even learned to love the Almond Joy bar, and I'm not crazy about coconut or almonds. It could be because the song from my youth ("Almond Joy's got nuts - Mounds don't") still rings in my head the way Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson never could.
Naturally I have my favorites - black licorice All-Sorts (no one ever gives that), Butterfingers, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. But really, I'll eat anything that's 100 calories a bite. I feel about candy the way Jerry Seinfeld did when he was a kid. Apparently he got over it. But I didn't.
Naturally I have my favorites - black licorice All-Sorts (no one ever gives that), Butterfingers, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. But really, I'll eat anything that's 100 calories a bite. I feel about candy the way Jerry Seinfeld did when he was a kid. Apparently he got over it. But I didn't.
Last-Minute Mask
Too lazy, cheap, disorganized or disinterested to have your Halloween costume together? Don't be too hard on yourself - we've all been there! If you have a color printer, click here to solve your procrastinating problem. Enjoy!
Halloween Snark (Videos)
Leave it to Joe to take snark to its highest level. These costumes aren't just politically incorrect, they give bad taste a bad name.
"Halloween is not an excuse to be a slut" - WHAT?! Good thing no one told me this in my 20s.
Is it snarky to call her out for her overplumped lips? This isn't Gawker, after all...
"Halloween is not an excuse to be a slut" - WHAT?! Good thing no one told me this in my 20s.
Is it snarky to call her out for her overplumped lips? This isn't Gawker, after all...
Hellish Halloween House Halted
According to the Huffington Post, a "dazzling Halloween lights show" in Riverside, California has been shut down by the local Homeowners Assn. Hard to blame those who live within 100 decibels...or 1,000 lumens...or however you want to measure the noise and light pollution. The 2,000 visitors can't have been fun to navigate around either!
Reasons to Stay Single, Halloween Edition (Videos)
I'm going to let these speak for themselves.
I could go on and on...
I could go on and on...
The Black Friday Price Match
In response to having their stores used as showrooms by consumers
who then by online for less, brick-and-mortar retailers are fighting back.
Target
will match online prices at Amazon, Wal-Mart, Best Buy and Toys R Us. The
program will run between November 1 and December 16.
Best Buy will
price-match 20 online retailers this holiday season, as well as offering free
shipping on items not available in stores. The new policy, likely to go into
effect starting Sunday, November 4, will not be in effect the week of
Black Friday through Cyber Monday. A more critical caveat: Best Buy customer
service representatives are permitted to honor the policy at their discretion.
Get ready for some
hellish tales. Price-matching can be awkward, and staff training critical.
Let's hope Target and Best Buy are holding classes now!
A Very Political Halloween (Videos)
"Binders Full of Women"
Candy Redistribution
Sarah Palin Halloween Costume Options
Dumb Things People Do on Halloween (Videos)
Build a Theme Bong
Don’t Play with Fire
Word to the wise: when some dude yells, “Do it again, man!” - DON'T.
Halloween Pet Costumes
New puppy training method: Dress them up as Princess Leia and Darth Vader and make them sit still while you shoot video of them.
Don’t Play with Fire
Word to the wise: when some dude yells, “Do it again, man!” - DON'T.
Halloween Pet Costumes
New puppy training method: Dress them up as Princess Leia and Darth Vader and make them sit still while you shoot video of them.
Nutty Halloween Neighbors (Videos)
These houses make great videos, but not so great neighbors.
Perfect Theme Song
Welcome Home!
So This Is What Halloween Looks Like!
Extreme Costumes (Videos)
Sexy Halloween Costume Guide
What's the best Halloween costume for a woman to wear? Well, that depends. How sexy do you want to be? No, you're not thinking hot enough. How about asking this guy for some guidance?
Dick's Inappropriate Halloween Costume Shop
Don't you hate all those people who try to be edgy and offensive by wearing inappropriate costumes each Halloween? You know, that guy who went as Osama Bin Laden in 2001? Here's a costume shop for them!
Halloween Costume Surgery
A more permanent approach to the annual dilemma of what to wear for Halloween.
Halloween Costumes: 60s Vs. 80s
Two women with no ego problems debate the best era for Halloween costume development.Halloween Costume Advice
A self-proclaimed Halloween expert relives some memories and offers unnecessary advice.
Politically Incorrect Halloween Costumes
French maid? Sexy nurse? Penis head? All cliche and politically incorrect, but not flat out creepy the way these 69 are. (Yes, I'm sure they chose that number with care!)
Halloween in L.A.
In Los Angeles you can celebrate Halloween all year round. There's the fabulous Hollywood Forever cemetery - home to both Johnny and Dee Dee Ramone, Rudolph Valentino, Fay Wray and "Alfalfa" from the Our Gang comedies - which is hosting Ozomatli on Dia de los Muertos! There are plenty of other spooky spots, too: Check out this custom-designed tour.
Black Friday Sales
It's never too early to start planning for Black Friday mayhem. Believe it or not the Black Friday ads are starting to trickle out; more will be posted as they are available.
Southeastern U.S. discounter Fred's has a 45-item Fred's Super Dollar Black Friday ad along with a 4-page Fred's ad. Their Black Friday sale starts at
5am and is one-day only. The four released pages represent pages 17-20
of the Fred's advertisement.
Let's hope when we see the word "doorbusters" it doesn't actually mean Black Friday crowds will actually be breaking down the doors to get inside. But it wouldn't be the first time Black Friday caused in-store breakage.
Harbor Freight has a 35-item Black Friday ad and a 4-page ad.
Worth noting: Harbor Freight is letting their Inside Track Club members ($30/yr for membership) enter the store a full hour before regular customers (6am vs. 7am). Hope this does not become a trend among other stores!
Worth noting: Harbor Freight is letting their Inside Track Club members ($30/yr for membership) enter the store a full hour before regular customers (6am vs. 7am). Hope this does not become a trend among other stores!
"It's Almost Not Quite Halloween"
It's the most wonderful time of the year: no holidays yet! Nice to know that I'm not alone in thinking Thanksgiving can be hellish. According to Christina Applegate on SNL, here are things to be happy about: "No decorations, no cards, no weird family tension. And not every single thing tastes like pumpkin." Sigh. It's bliss time!
Black Friday 2011 (Videos)
It wasn't just about one pepper spraying incident. At Walmarts around the country - and one deadly Target - Black Friday really was dark.
A Skewed Look at Valentine's Day (Videos)
Dating Losers
Vintage clips from a video dating service. Even in the '80s these guys must have looked dated...although it's unlikely they ever did. Some of the most unintentionally hilarious material ever recorded.
Love Hurts
Watch out for cupid's arrows.
Worst Valentine's Day Gifts Ever
Flowers were hurt in the making of this video, when really it should have been her man.
Love Is the Drug
The dark side of love: chemical imbalance, mental strain, addiction and depression!
Happy Chinese New Year!
I have a dear friend who is a qi gong master and a devotee of Chinese Astrology. She informs me that one's Chinese astrological sign is not just an animal (such as today's New Year of the Dragon) but also an element: fire, water, etc.
I looked into it and learned that I was born in the year of the Rooster and that my element is Fire. How hellish is it that my astrological sign is a burning cock!
I looked into it and learned that I was born in the year of the Rooster and that my element is Fire. How hellish is it that my astrological sign is a burning cock!
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